| Are you happy with yourself? With your life?
Are you happy with your relationship? Or are you after all
just going along with things and making do, even being grateful
for the little that you actually have?
If you are a true romantic, and dream of true love but wonder
if it actually exists then its time to look at true love and
perfect love from another point of view.
Here is a different point of view, you are perfect, you have
never made a mistake in your whole life, in fact you do know
what you are doing all of the time, you create your own reality
and if there’s even one single part of your partner
or of the relationship that you don’t like or even hate,
you simply haven’t created your best creation yet.
So in essence the answer is either move on or better what
you have already created.
Relationships
I have always known that if you put any one man and woman
or for that matter if you are not heterosexual two men or
two women on a desert island with no possible means of escape
that those two people could over a period of time have the
ultimate perfect relationship.
Think about that besides taking care of basic survival needs
there would be nothing else to do except work through differences
blocks and obstacles between you and get things right.
What it takes.
In my opinion great /perfect relationships are possible with
awareness communication plenty of self love and a real willingness
to be honest with ones self and the other person involved.
It takes a lot of work to have a great relationship yet it
could turn out being perfect but perhaps not the perfect that
you thought perfect meant or would be.
Problems.
One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is two
people coming together who don’t yet truly know themselves
and haven’t yet dealt with their own “stuff”
and yes it seems that we all do have “stuff’ to
deal with, all those past hurts disappointments, pains, wounds
and fears.
Interestingly we do seem to choose partners who show us in
one way or another above all what we most need to deal with
in ourselves.
Unfulfilled Needs.
After for working many years with both singles ,couples and
indeed through my won relationships, I see that a classic
mistake that most people make is that we each go into a relationship
hoping or believing on some level that this other person will
make us happy and or fulfill our needs.
It also seems that we human beings love to love and we love
to make other people happy.
Self first.
It’s very important to find and accept happiness within
ourselves and to fulfill our own needs vs. relying on someone
else or hoping that someone else will take care of those things
for us.
We may have heard those words many times and yet few of us
accept and take on the job of loving and caring for ourselves
and fulfilling our own needs, in fact the reality of doing
that is quite alien to us, its human nature to take care of
everyone else first.
What happens?
If we don’t find happiness within ourselves of fulfill
our own needs either before or during a relationship we will
always be disappointed and simply continue to move from one
relationship to another and yet never find exactly what we
are truly looking for.
Endings.
Relationships end because one or even both partners reach
a place within themselves or reach an issue that they refuse
to deal with change resolve or move beyond.
A partner will even sacrifice the happiness of the other,
the one they think they truly love vs. being honest with themselves
and dealing with the situation or issue.
Many.
There have been many good books and articles written already
relating and relationships, it is a subject so vast and covers
so many aspects and facets of human nature that in this short
article I would like to simply focus on answering the question
“Why do we attract and stay with poor relationships”?
Answer.
Because we don’t love ourselves enough, simply we don’t
care about ourselves often enough to give ourselves often
enough what we want and need, so accepting very little or
not enough from others is also acceptable or becomes tolerable
to us, even when we don’t like it, wonder about it,
or know that we shouldn’t be going along with it we
find countless arguments and justifications to accept and
stay in a poor relationship. We even reason that a poor relationship
is better than no relationship, and at least we have someone
there. We totally forget that we can be there for ourselves
and that there will always be endless people out there for
us. We attracted and created what we have now so we can always
attract and create better.
Tips for creating a perfect relationship.
An important relationship to have and to accept is the understanding
that” no one else is you” No one will love you
in all the ways that you love and want to be loved, although
it may not seem like this at the beginning of a new relationship.
Fulfill your own needs start by making a list of all that
you want or need from another person, keep it as simple and
in as few words as possible.
Next start finding ways to give yourself all of those want
needs that you have listed on a regular basis.
YES you can do this in fact it will be easier than you think,
giving yourself just needs to become a habit.
Look often at your partner as if you don’t know them
at all as if you are seeing them for the very first time;
observe who and what are they really? Who or what are you
really relating to in and about them? What does all of this
tell you?
Practice and learn to be totally there in the moment, whatever
the moment is, do this with yourself with a partner and with
others.
More
Why else do we stay with poor even abusive relationships?
Because we are not only used to abuse from others but we actually
in many different ways abuse ourselves, so abuse has become
normal to us.
We stay in a poor relationship because it may seem to be the
best that we had so far, or much better than the last one,
however still this does not make everything allright, and
it is still not the perfect relationship that we dream off.
A funny way.
Heres a funny way perhaps to see what I am talking about,
imagine that just like grading tomatoes and apples we can
grade people and relationships. So you may have already met
and been with different people from grade D so now that you
are on a relationship with grade C and you may be feeling
lucky and that this is “it’ despite the things
that are not all right or perfect about it.
However hold on there is still grade B and A people and relationships
out there. Waiting for you to meet and connect with, you simply
need to make the choice to do so.
Simply.
We can create and have “perfect” in our lives
the “perfect relationship” does exist , but we
have to be prepared to create the perfect and then even possibly
do a little work on that, because our idea of perfect changes.
As far as happiness goes and true love? Yes the sky is the
limit and yes you can “have it all’ but only when
you stop settling for less..
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